INT. BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A shadowy INTRUDER enters from the patio, approaches sleeping
Hi. The Intruder's shadow falls over him.
Hi suddenly awakes, jumps up, looks the Intruder in the eye.
It's Wolfgang, still in coat and tie.
Wolfgang steps menacingly toward him. Hi slams a fist into
Wolfgang's stomach. No effect. Wolfgang just pauses with
an amused smirk.
Hi smashes the bottle over Wolfgang's head. Now Wolfgang
doesn't look so amused.
Wolfgang grabs Hi by his shirt and belt and tosses him
effortlessly over the couch. Hi crashes into breaking
furniture.
Wolfgang continues tearing up furniture, using Hi's vainly
resisting body to do it.
Hi grabs up a fireplace poker, but Wolfgang wrests it from him.
Pinning Hi to the floor, Wolfgang is set to kill him with the
poker, Hi using the last of his strength to keep the point of
the poker away from his neck.
Finally exhausted, Hi gives up, waits to die. But Wolfgang
just smiles.
HI
Well? What's holding you back?
WOLFGANG
Señora Perón. I am here to take
you to her.
HI
(beat)
You had to wreck this place first?
WOLFGANG
I don't like being hit with a bottle.
EXT. A SECLUDED MANSION - NIGHT
Dark and foggy. A car arrives in front.
EXT. AN UPPER WINDOW - NIGHT
It appears to be Eva who peeks out from a curtained window.
INT. THE CAR - NIGHT
Hi wears a blindfold as he and Wolfgang get out.
INT. A STUDY - THE MANSION - NIGHT
Somber Eva, in black, tries to check herself in a mirror, then
remembers that she has no reflection.
Adjusting one of her earrings, which have wooden pendants,
she moves to an easy chair.
Sitting down, she nervously lights a cigarette, then strikes a
calm pose.
Hi, blindfold off, walks in. Wolfgang stays outside, closing
the door.
EVA
Hello, Hi.
Hi looks at her for a moment, seeming to hold in his emotion.
He sits down in an easy chair across from hers.
HI
Hello, Eva. What brings you out of
the jungle?
EVA
You know that much already?
HI
Yeah. A little bat told me. Just
visiting?
EVA
Yes. I got homesick. It was such
a surprise to run into you.
HI
You were surprised?
He watches her lovely lips blow out smoke.
HI (cont'd)
You ought to quit smoking. It'll
shorten your life.
EVA
How did you quit?
HI
I took up drinking instead. Who's
the clown with you?
EVA
His name is Wolfgang. S.S. He's
assigned to protect me. I hope
he didn't hurt you.
Hi shifts painfully in his chair.
HI
Nah. We just worked out together.
EVA
What are you doing in Argentina?
So far from lost cities.
HI
I'm here for the funeral. Haven't
you heard? You're dead. Everybody's
in mourning.
(beat)
Come to think of it, you were in
mourning too.
EVA
You must forget about me. Life
must go on.
HI
They even fooled me with the body.
The first time. But then tonight
I saw it. One mistake.
EVA
What?
HI
They forgot the tiny wart.
Eva touches a little wart below her jaw.
HI (cont'd)
Nobody's perfect. But you were
so close.
A beat. Hi rises to pace, getting mad now.
HI (cont'd)
You fell for the Fuehrer?
EVA
Not really. He did the falling.
(sighs)
I was so sick of Juan. Then I
met the Fuehrer. He offered me
immortal power.
HI
Pretty hard to turn down. Eva,
you're really on a power kick.
EVA
I was. I should have stuck with
the radio soaps. And you. But
I did do some good for my country.
Until I met him.
HI
What happened to his first Eva?
Braun.
EVA
He left her in the bunker in
Berlin.
HI
Nice guy.
EVA
She didn't want to be a vampire.
Smart move.
HI
You can't be in love with him.
Can you?
EVA
Of course not. I'm ashamed to be
with him.
(crushing out her
cigarette)
It was the mother of all mistakes.
HI
How can you go back to him?
EVA
(loudly, upset)
What choice do I have?
She glances toward the closed door, as if suspecting that
Wolfgang is listening. She rises to pace, speaking quietly
again:
EVA (cont'd)
Do you think Adolf would let me
leave and not return? Do you
think he sends Wolfgang only to
protect me? No.
She stops pacing. There are tears in her eyes.
EVA (cont'd)
There is no other place for me.
Not now.
She is standing by a painting of herself as first lady. As
she wistfully regards it:
EVA (cont'd)
It's just that I had to see
Argentina.
HI
Maybe get a little Argentine blood?
(on her look)
Sorry.
EVA
Do you think for an instant I
enjoy it?
HI
Hell, you might as well try.
EVA
(after a moment)
Don't come after us, Hi. Please.
HI
Concerned for my health?
EVA
Yes. I didn't stop loving you
when I married Juan.
HI
You might as well have.
EVA
And you didn't stop loving me.
HI
No, I didn't.
EVA
(beat)
May I kiss you goodbye?
She walks over to him. They gaze into each other's eyes.
As her lips move toward his:
HI
Just don't go for the neck.
While they kiss, Hi half-opens his eyes, looks for some
reason at Eva's earring with its wooden pendant.
Their lips part. Their eyes lock longingly for a moment,
then:
EVA
Goodbye.
She moves off toward the door, Hi watching her.
EXT. HI'S RENTED BUNGALOW - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
Soto stands impatiently smoking a cigarette while he waits
by the street. The fog of the night has cleared.
The car that took Hi to Eva's pulls up in front, Soto
watching nearby in plain view.
INT. THE CAR - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
Hi and driver Wolfgang are both regarding Soto, standing
not far from the front of the car. Hi clearly recognizes
him from the cabaret.
HI
Do you know who he is?
WOLFGANG
No. Who?
Hi gives Wolfgang a look. Then Hi smiles as he opens the
car door:
HI
You know, Wolfie, in the full light
of day now, I bet I could take you.
In the daytime, a vampire's powers
are diminished, right?
Wolfgang smiles as if inviting Hi to try taking him.
HI (cont'd)
Lucky for you, I've got something
else to go do.
As Hi opens the door and gets out:
WOLFGANG
What have you got to do?
Closing the door, Hi leans down to speak through the window:
HI
Clean up my place. It's a mess.
EXT. THE BUNGALOW - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
The car pulls away. Hi walks over to Soto.
HI
Well! Been to Cuco's Cabaret
lately?
Soto discards his cigarette butt.
SOTO
You have been approached by M.I. Six.
HI
Who told you that?
SOTO
The Englishman.
HI
He told you that?
SOTO
Not directly. I have been
following you.
HI
You're pulling my leg.
SOTO
Why would I pull on your leg?
HI
It's just an expression. I know
you've been tailing me.
SOTO
The Englishman works for M.I. Six.
HI
How do you know he's not C.I.A.?
SOTO
Whatever. I am told he's a spook.
That can only mean one thing.
HI
What's that?
SOTO
How should I know? I am only
quoting El Presidente.
HI
Juan Perón?
Soto produces an ID and shows it to Hi.
SOTO
My name is Soto. I work for the
Argentine government.
HI
Congratulations.
SOTO
Before you do anything for this
Englishman, El Presidente wishes
to see you.
HI
The man who stole my gal. When
it rains, it pours, Soto. That's
another expression in English.
EXT. LA CASA ROSADA - DAY
ESTABLISHING SHOT of the presidential residence.
INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - DAY
JUAN PERÓN, 57, in an immaculate suit, his black hair neatly
plastered, sits pining over a picture of Eva, while the same
song that Eva sang at Cuco's plays on a 78.
Behind him the door opens, and a 60-ish AIDE brings in Hi, finely
groomed in a three-piece suit.
AIDE
Mister President -
JUAN
Leave me alone.
AIDE
Mister Hickenlooper is here.
JUAN
I am not to be disturbed.
(then, turning)
Wait! Did you say - ?
AIDE
Hickenlooper.
As Juan rises and turns off the record:
JUAN
Why didn't you say so? Leave us.
As the Aide leaves, Juan, chin up, chest out, strides forward
to greet Hi.
JUAN
So! Mister, eh -
HI
Hickenlooper.
JUAN
Yes.
As they shake hands, Hi wincing from Juan's viselike grip:
HI
My condolences.
JUAN
One must take Eva's death like
a man.
Juan motions Hi to a chair, and heads back toward his desk
chair.
HI
That song you were playing. I've
heard it many times.
JUAN
It was our song.
As they sit down:
HI
Yeah? Ours too.
Juan regards Hi for a moment.
JUAN
You still love her. Please, let
us speak frankly. Man to man.
We are machos.
HI
Yeah. I still love her.
JUAN
Who doesn't? Who could fall out
of love with Evita? No one. Not
even Juan Perón.
HI
You're a regular guy, Mister
President.
Juan smiles appreciatively, then becomes very serious.
JUAN
Tell me, Mister, eh . . .
(Hi just looks at him)
Hicklehooper. How much do you know?
Speak freely, please. Hombre to
hombre.
HI
Well, I know that you made a pact
with the devil. Adolf Hitler
Juan's jaw slackens, his lips start trembling.
HI (cont'd)
At least you intended to. Until he
stole your wife.
Juan bursts into tears, he starts crying uncontrollably.
HI (cont'd)
The body at the ministry isn't Eva's.
Weeping Juan shakes his head "no."
HI (cont'd)
Her last appearances, during her
supposed illness, were performed
by a double.
Sobbing Juan nods his head "yes."
HI (cont'd)
Did the double know that dying
would be a part of the job?
Crying Juan shakes his head "no." Then he looks at Hi in a
delayed reaction.
HI (cont'd)
Anything to save face, eh, Mister
President? Even murder.
There are knocks at the door. Juan quickly rises, turns to
the window, as the Aide comes in.
AIDE
Mister President -
JUAN
Yes?
As the Aide puts a document on the desk:
AIDE
Excuse me. I must have your
signature before this document
can be delivered.
Juan turns, grabs a pen, scribbles his signature, without
looking up.
JUAN
Can't you think of these things
at the appropriate time?
Juan turns away again, the Aide picks up the document.
AIDE
I am sorry, sir. Please forgive
the intrusion.
The Aide leaves, closing the door. Juan is convulsed by
a sob. For support he grabs the back of the desk chair
with one hand. The chair swivels, Juan totters and falls.
Hi calmly watches as Juan gets up from the floor. His
weeping unabated, Juan begins moving around the desk
toward Hi:
JUAN
It is true what you say. What
a fool I was, to consider getting
mixed up with Hitler. What a fool,
worst of all, to involve Evita -
Juan falls to his knees before Hi.
JUAN (cont'd)
- to let her be taken to his lair.
I should never have let her go.
Sobbing Juan clutches Hi's knee, presses his cheek to it.
JUAN (cont'd)
He stole my Evita. You must help
me get her back. You love her as
I do.
Juan grovels more, clinging to Hi's lower leg.
JUAN (cont'd)
You know what it's like to lose
her. Please. Please, Mister
Hucklelucker -
Juan is lying on the floor now, wailing, hugging Hi's ankle.
There are knocks, the door opens. Juan quickly crawls away
from Hi as the Aide enters, document in hand, to find Juan
on all fours.
AIDE
Mister President, what is wrong?
JUAN
I've dropped something, you fool,
what does it look like?
AIDE
May I help you find it, sir?
As Juan crawls behind his desk:
JUAN
You don't even know what to look
for. What do you want now?
AIDE
I forgot, sir, that you must sign
in two places.
Juan, trying to rise from the floor, bangs his head under the
desk top. He gets up holding his head.
AIDE (cont'd)
Mister President, I will summon
the doctor.
JUAN
It's all right.
AIDE
But, sir, you are crying in pain.
JUAN
It's all right!
Juan scribbles his signature.
JUAN (cont'd)
Is there a third place I should
sign, you lunatic?
AIDE
No, sir. I am sorry.
The Aide leaves. Juan takes a moment to compose himself.
JUAN
So. You have been approached by
M.I. Six.
HI
How do you know it's not C.I.A.?
JUAN
Whatever. It can only mean one thing.
HI
I hope you're not quoting Soto.
As Juan sits down again at his desk:
JUAN
They want your assistance in locating
Hitler and his vampire colony. I
assume they intend to destroy him.
HI
That's about the size of it.
Juan calmly opens a drawer of the desk, Hi watching.
JUAN
Destroying a bunch of vampires will
be no easy task.
HI
Especially Nazi ones. They're the worst.
Juan takes a manila envelope from the drawer. Without opening it,
Juan leans earnestly toward Hi.
JUAN
I wish to help. But there is the
question, of course, of Evita. She
must somehow be saved. We must
help her.
HI
I'm with you on that, Mister President.
But how?
JUAN
(beat)
There is a hematologist, a blood
doctor -
As Juan takes a page with some kind of picture on it, as if torn
from a book, from the envelope:
JUAN (cont'd)
- who has been engaged in research,
using vampire bats -
Juan gazes at the picture, which Hi can't yet see.
JUAN (cont'd)
- not only to find a possible cure,
but to discover how a host of vampires
might best be destroyed.
A beat. As Juan hands the page across the desk to Hi:
JUAN (cont'd)
He is on the verge, he believes, of
success.
It's a picture of a Dracaena, the same leafy, red-flowered species
of plant that was in Countess Borca's castle.
JUAN (cont'd)
The Dracaena palm.
As Juan rises and slowly moves around the desk toward Hi, who studies
the picture and looks at the back of the page:
JUAN (cont'd)
The doctor tells me the name is from
Greek, meaning dragon, or devil.
HI
What'd he do, tear this out of a
library book?
JUAN
(beat)
According to legend, he says, it was
named in honor of vampires, some of
whom keep it in their homes, as a
decorative plant.
Hi rises, the page in hand, as Juan reaches him, moving fairly
close.
JUAN (cont'd)
The doctor has found out something
extraordinary about this plant.
A beat, Hi a bit wary of Juan, who moves even closer.
HI
What is that?
A pause, Juan's sad eyes gazing closely at Hi.
JUAN
I will let him tell you. You must
go to him.
A beat. Juan puts a beseeching hand on the top of Hi's shoulder,
grasping it firmly, and gets even closer.
JUAN (cont'd)
Just be certain, Mister Hickelhopper,
whatever the final plan of action,
that Evita is not harmed.
Hi takes a step backward and toward the door, to try to get out
from under Juan's hand.
HI
It's like you said, Mister President:
I love her too.
Instead of letting go as Hi moves toward the door, Juan puts an arm
around Hi's shoulders and walks with him.
HI (cont'd)
I've got her welfare in mind.
JUAN
Yes. We both love her so. How
can we help it?
Juan is crying again.
HI
I'll go see this blood doctor now.
JUAN
Yes. Please bring her back. Kill
Hitler, kill them all, but save the
woman we love.
As Hi stops at the door, Juan clings to him.
HI
She knows she made a mistake.
JUAN
Bring back our Evita.
HI
She sees no way out. Goodbye, Mister
President.
Hi tries to open the door but Juan grabs him by the lapels.
JUAN
Why do you still love her? She's
mine!
Hi, trying to break Juan's grasp with one hand, manages to open
the door with the other.
HI
Gotta go.
Juan grabs him by the necktie.
JUAN
Bring Evita back to me!
As Hi fights to free himself from the grasp of the now hysterical
Juan:
HI
I'd almost rather leave her with
Hitler, you sniveling two-bit colonel.
Hi manages to squeeze through the door and close it. Juan leans
against the door and sobs.
INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY
Hi leans against the door too, taking a moment to recover, the
page, now crinkled, still in his hand.
The Aide moves to Hi with concern.
AIDE
Is he all right?
HI
You kidding?
AIDE
You should see him on a bad day.
HI
Here, he can have his picture back.
(handing the page
to the Aide)
I need to see a doctor about that
plant. You got the address?
EXT. DR. PO'S LABORATORY - DAY
A sign reads DR. CHOU PO, HEMATOLOGIA.
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
Chinese DR. PO, a smiling, 50-ish fellow in a lab coat, is
showing a Dracaena palm to Hi, Diego, and McKay.
PO
Note the stem. By the first, oh,
one hundred and twenty days, the
Dracaena will develop, right in
here, a red-colored liquid, called
appropriately dragon's blood.
(beat; chuckles)
If only they knew.
HI
Who?
PO
The vampires.
HI
Knew what?
PO
The nature of the plant's red
secretion, you fool!
While Hi bites his tongue, Po moves with a smile toward another
table.
PO (cont'd)
Which brings us to our friend here.
The vampire bat.
A VAMPIRE BAT is hanging upside down from a perch to which it's
secured on the table.
PO (cont'd)
When you called, about one half
hour ago, I chose this bat to show
you. I had fed it, with liquid
extracted from the palm, about
five and a half hours ago.
(glances at watch)
In another half hour, it will
happen.
HI
What will?
PO
The destruction of the vampire.
How ironic, you see, that any
vampire would keep such a plant.
DIEGO
Look!
The Bat has begun shaking and smoking. Blood starts pouring out
of its body openings.
PO
(surprised)
It has already started. It is early.
HI
What's happening?
PO
The extract is a powerful coagulant.
There is violent chemical reaction,
clotting the blood, the vampire
hemorrhages. Horribly.
DIEGO
It's bleeding and smoking.
PO
Yes. Sometimes they explode.
The Bat explodes, splattering them all with blood and bits of
flesh. Hi's three-piece suit is ruined.
PO (cont'd)
Which is why it pays to wear a lab
coat.
INT. LABORATORY - DAY (FIVE MINUTES LATER)
McKay is holding a beaker of the reddish palm extract up to
the light.
He, Hi, Diego, and Po have been cleaning bat debris from
themselves at some sinks.
McKAY
This extract is utterly impractical.
PO
How so?
As McKay sets down the beaker:
McKAY
The time required. You kill a
vampire with a stake through the
heart. That doesn't take six
hours.
HI
Five hours and a half.
PO
It was the first time it has
happened so soon.
Hi drops his bloodstained coat and vest in the trash.
HI
It works with bats, Doctor Po,
but what about humans?
PO
I cannot be certain, with no human
vampires to work on.
As Diego wipes bat debris from a shoe:
DIEGO
Bats are mammals. So are humans.
PO
Yes. So the effect should be
similar.
HI
How much extract would it take?
PO
For humans? Quite a lot. You
would need, I would say, one plant,
at least four months old, for every
three or four humans, to get them
to hemorrhage.
McKAY
Like I said: impractical.
HI
What about the cure, Doc? Perón
said you're onto a vampire cure.
PO
Oh yes, the cure. I cannot be sure
of that either. But, again, if with
bats it will work, how could it not
work with humans?
Po laughs.
HI
What are you laughing at?
PO
The cure. Wait till you hear what
it is.
Hi is waiting while Po chortles.
INT. KEGEL'S QUARTERS - THE JUNGLE BASE - DAY
Kegel, unable to sleep, is reading a worn-out paperback book, with
a lurid vampiric cover, entitled "Hemophilia."
He's sitting in his undershirt in an old easy chair with torn
upholstery.
Dorsch enters, agitated. He's in his uniform but with loosened
collar. Kegel watches him pace about restlessly.
KEGEL
Unable to sleep too, eh? You look
like you're stir crazy, Dorsch.
DORSCH
I am going stir crazy. We are
supposed to be conquering the world.
Instead we've been rotting in this
jungle - watching your water shows,
reading dog-eared paperback books,
and drinking blood out of bottles -
while the Fuehrer keeps writing his
memoirs. How many volumes? Have
you seen all those stacks of pages?
You must speak to him, Kegel.
As Kegel tries to read:
KEGEL
It does not do any good. What is
the rush, when you have all the
time in the world?
DORSCH
You have said it yourself, Kegel:
The longer we wait, the greater the
risk of discovery.
Kegel looks impressed.
KEGEL
I said that?
Dorsch sits down on a bamboo chair and sighs with despair.
DORSCH
Kegel, this could go on forever.
Did we become vampires for nothing?
We are not getting any younger.
KEGEL
True. But look at the bright side.
We are also not getting any older.
DORSCH
We are stuck. That's the bright
side? Stuck in time and place.
And who might soon come after us?
KEGEL
Who might? Only a pack of fools.
INT. HI'S RENTED BUNGALOW - DAY
Hi, seated at a dining table, begins studying a map of the
Amazon basin, Diego and McKay looking on.
McKAY
Over four million square kilo-
meters . . .
HI
Don't make it sound so bad. Try
two and a half million square
miles.
McKAY
How can we hope to find Hitler's
camp in -
HI
(interrupting)
Stop worrying, McKay. I know where
to find him.
McKAY
What?
HI
I know the general area. That
narrows it down.
DIEGO
What was the clue?
HI
Eva's earrings. They were carved
out of vilca wood.
DIEGO
(knowingly)
Nova Dolencia.
McKAY
What are you talking about?
Hi points it out on the map.
HI
This village, McKay.
Hi has his finger at an isolated dot on the map near the Purus
River, in Brazil's Amazonas province.
HI (cont'd)
The one place in the world where
they make and sell vilca-wood
earrings.
EXT. A SINGLE-ENGINE CESSNA 170 - AIRBORNE - DAY
The small plane is flying over the Amazon jungle.
DIEGO (V.O.)
The Nazis must get their supplies
there.
HI (V.O.)
Right . . .
EXT. A BRANCH OF THE PURUS - AMAZONAS - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay riding in a motorboat down a muddy, low-
banked, jungle-walled river.
Hi navigates. He and Diego are businesslike, while McKay looks
oppressed by the heat.
HI (V.O.) (cont'd)
There's no other village for a good
hundred miles.
McKAY (V.O.)
Then the people there should be
able to point the way.
HI (V.O.)
For a price . . .
EXT. NOVA DOLENCIA - ESTABLISHING - DAY
A collection of thatch-roofed buildings made of bamboo and wood
by the river.
HI (V.O.) (cont'd)
Be prepared to buy some vilca-wood
earrings.
INT. THE VILLAGE STORE - DAY
The caboclo (mixed white and Indian blood) STOREKEEPER, 60, with
an almost toothless smile, sets a large box overflowing with
vilca-wood earrings onto the counter.
While Hi and Diego look on, McKay resentfully hands the triumphant
Storekeeper a fistful of bills.
EXT. THE VILLAGE - DAY
A caboclo VILLAGE ELDER gives a long, involved spiel in Portuguese
to Hi, Diego, and McKay, with an occasional gesture toward jungle
across the river.
As the Village Elder concludes and moves off:
DIEGO
Obrigado.
McKAY
What did he say?
Diego nods toward the jungle across the river.
DIEGO
He said he thinks they are somewhere
over there.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay, armed with guns, machetes, hammers and
stakes, and in camouflage outfits, are trekking through rain
forest.
Hi is thinking, hearing voices, as he's leading the way:
EVA (V.O.)
Don't come after us, Hi. Please.
McKAY (V.O.)
We must save the world from Hitler
Part Two.
JUAN (V.O.)
(crying)
Kill Hitler, kill them all, but
save the woman we love.
EVA (V.O.)
I was so sick of Juan.
CUT TO:
A VIEW THROUGH BINOCULARS
of the Nazi base's Building One with the swastika banner.
A large plaque over the balcony reads NEUANFANG, with a smaller
plaque reading GEBAUDE EIN.
HI (o.s.)
(quietly)
Most of 'em are probably asleep,
like good little vampires.
EXT. THE JUNGLE BASE ("NEUANFANG") - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay, concealed in the thick jungle vegetation at
the edge of the clearing, are spying on the Nazi base, where all
looks quiet.
McKay and Diego are both looking through binoculars at the building
called Gebaude Ein. The men speak in low tones:
DIEGO
What does "Neuanfang" mean?
HI
New Beginning.
DIEGO
(chuckles)
We'll put a stop to that.
(then)
How do we do it?
McKAY
What does "Gebaude Ein" mean?
HI
Building One.
McKAY
That means the others are -
DIEGO
- Two, Three, and Four.
HI
Anybody writing this down?
Hi signals for them to move back deeper in the vegetation, which
they quietly do, as SCHUTZE #4 with a Mauser rifle, is approaching
on foot patrol along the thickly grown perimeter.
The Schutze yawns, unaware of them, as he passes.
HI (cont'd)
Well, we found it. We've seen all
we can without going in. Let's get
back to the village, and plan what
to do.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay are heading back to Nova Dolencia, Hi leading
the way, McKay last.
McKAY
I've got to get back to Lima, get
word to my superiors. They can have
commandos out here in a matter of -
HI
(interrupting)
That's not the way. We can't simply
go in with commandos. Not at first.
McKAY
Why not?
Hi stops, waits for McKay, to look him in the eye.
HI
Because of Eva. I'm bringing her
back - alive, so to speak. We're
taking no chance of having her
killed with the others. Now that
we have a cure.
McKAY
The cure sounds pretty farfetched
to me.
HI
I'm willing to try it. Got any
better ideas?
Hi resumes walking, Diego and McKay following.
HI
What are commandos going to do
anyway? Shoot 'em? That won't
faze a vampire. Chase 'em with
hammers and stakes? Or crosses?
Or garlic?
McKAY
And what would you do? Have them
force-fed with that Chinaman's
extract, then wait for six hours?
Hi, with Diego following him, brushes a fern stalk aside,
Diego catching it with his hand.
HI
Five hours and a half.
McKAY
Don't get smart with me, Hickenlooper.
Diego lets go of the stalk. It hits McKay in the face.
DIEGO
You haven't heard McKay's idea
for Plan B yet. After we rescue
Eva.
HI
What is it?
DIEGO
Dropping an atomic bomb.
HI
Ha! Some secret mission, McKay.
MCKAY
A small atomic bomb.
HI
How do you know it would kill 'em?
You'll nuke this rain forest over
my dead body.
INT. RESTAURANT - NOVA DOLENCIA - NIGHT
Hi, Diego, and McKay are dining on fish soup in a lamp-lit
shack, a ragged but sexy young CABOCLO WOMAN serving them.
Hi is thinking, Diego hungrily eating while he and the Woman
are eyeing each other. McKay just picks at the fish head
in his bowl.
DIEGO
You don't want the eyes?
As McKay shoves the whole bowl to Diego:
McKAY
Nah, you can have 'em.
As Hi continues thinking, Diego digs out an eye and eats it,
while making eyes at the sexy Woman, smiling from across
the room.
HI
I've got a plan.
Diego and McKay look at Hi expectantly.
HI
It's going to take coordination.
(to McKay)
I'll be depending on you for the
clockwork.
(to Diego)
And some help from my father.
I'll leave that up to you. I'm
not going to have time.
McKAY
May we have some details? What
will you be doing?
HI
I'm going to pull a Rudolf Hess.
Diego, eating the other eye while eyeing the Woman, didn't quite
catch what Hi said.
DIEGO
You are going to pull what?
McKay glances with aggravation at the Woman distracting Diego.
MCKAY
"A Rudolf Hess."
(watching Diego eat
more of the head)
How can you think about eating
that?
Diego, glancing at the Woman, looks momentarily confused by the
question.
MCKAY (cont'd)
The fish head.
DIEGO
It's a perfectly natural thing
to do.
(then)
Who was Rudolf Hess?
McKAY
Hitler's top henchman. Until he
took it upon himself to parachute
into Scotland during the war.
As McKay starts to speak to Hi:
DIEGO
Why did he parachute into Scotland?
McKay looks impatiently at Diego.
McKAY
He was a nut! He thought he could
get the British to surrender.
(to Hi)
What do you mean you're going to
pull a Rudolf Hess?
HI
(beat)
I'm going to parachute right into
their camp.
EXT. NEUANFANG - DAY
Armed SHUTZE #5, patrolling the perimeter on foot, hears
something, looks up.
High in the distance he sees the Cessna, the sound of its
engine barely audible.
INT./EXT. THE CESSNA - DAY
Hi, parachute on, is set to jump, the door having been removed
from the plane. Diego is piloting, McKay seated in back.
Hi has a haversack, and on a thin strap around his neck is a
little cloth bag.
The three men shout above the engine noise:
HI
Remember, exactly a hundred and
twenty days!
McKAY
A hundred and twenty days!
HI
At sunrise!
DIEGO
See you then!
HI
Hasta luego!
Hi jumps.
EXT. SKY - DAY
Hi falling. His parachute opens.
EXT. BASE - DAY
Schutze #5 points out Hi's parachute, high in the sky, to a
sturdy, square-jawed HAUPTSTURMFUEHRER (captain), 40, the
plane droning high overhead.
They are joined by a plump, dumb-looking SS SCHARFUEHRER
(sergeant), 50-ish.
HAUPTSTURMFUEHRER
(to Scharfuehrer)
Awake Obergruppenfuehrer Kegel.
SCHARFUEHRER
Are you sure?
HAUPTSTURMFUEHRER
Awake him.
EXT. SKY - DAY
Hi looks down with concern at two-story Gebaude Ein, toward
which he is falling.
HI
Way to go, Hiram. You're going
to land in Hitler's lap.
INT. KEGEL'S QUARTERS - GEBAUDE EIN - DAY
The reluctant Scharfuehrer steps to an open coffin in which
Kegel, in full uniform, is sleeping.
SCHARFUEHRER
Obergruppenfueher Kegel.
(shakes Kegel's arm)
Obergruppenfuehrer.
Kegel awakes. He looks hard at the Scharfuehrer.
KEGEL
How dare you disturb me.
SCHARFUEHRER
I was only following orders.
Kegel starts getting out of the coffin.
KEGEL
What is wrong?
SCHARFUEHRER
We are not sure, sir.
KEGEL
Not sure?
SCHARFUEHRER
Someone is pulling a Rudolf Hess.
KEGEL
Parachuting into the camp? Who would
be fool enough to do that?
EXT. ON HI - DAY
Hi is looking down wide-eyed, about to land on Gebaude Ein.
Hi crashes through the building's thatch roof.
INT. FRONT HALL - DAY
Kegel and the Scharfuehrer, having just entered, cover their
heads as roof parts fall in the two-story hall. On one wall
is a gigantic picture of Hitler.
Hi's parachute has caught on the roof, leaving Hi dangling
several feet off the floor.
Schutze #5 and the Hauptsturmfuehrer hustle in. The Nazis
stare up at Hi, who smiles.
HI
Hi Hickenlooper here.
KEGEL
And to what do we owe the pleasure
of your dropping in?
HI
Take me to your leader.
INT. A SMALL ROOM - DAY
Hi sits alone, a bare light bulb shining above him.
Dorsch and Kegel enter. Kegel has Hi's little cloth bag.
DORSCH
Where do you come from? Whose
plane brought you here?
HI
I hired a private pilot to drop me
off over the jungle. Don't worry.
He knows nothing.
KEGEL
(to Dorsch)
Strange accent.
(to Hi)
Are you German?
HI
And proud of it. Brought up
bilingual. My mom, rest her
soul, was from Hamburg. It
was Mom who first got Dad into
hamburgers. My dad's father
was from the Rhineland.
DORSCH
Which part? I'm from Mainz.
KEGEL
(to Dorsch)
Who cares where you're from?
Kegel opens the little bag, demonstratively pours some plant
seeds into his hand.
KEGEL
What are these?
HI
What do they look like? They're
seeds.
KEGEL
What kind of seeds?
HI
Ever heard of the dragon's palm?
The two Nazis' blank looks say "no."
HI
I was hoping you hadn't. I hope
you realize you're tampering with
a gift for the Fuehrer. And he's
going to be mighty pissed.
DORSCH
Who are you? What are you doing
here?
HI
I've already told your gift-
tampering friend here. The
name's Hi Hickenlooper. And
I'm here to see the Fuehrer.
Return to beginning of script
