EXT. THE BUNGALOW - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
Soto stands impatiently smoking a cigarette while he waits
by the street. The fog of the night has cleared.
The car that took Hi to Eva pulls up in front, Soto watching
nearby in plain view.
INT. CAR - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
Hi and driver Wolfgang both regard Soto, standing not far
from the front of the car.
HI
Do you know who that is?
WOLFGANG
No. Who?
Hi looks at Wolfgang.
HI
You know, Wolfie, in the full light
of day now, I bet I could take you.
In the daytime, a vampire's powers
are diminished, right?
WOLFGANG
There is one good way to find out.
Why don't you try me?
HI
Lucky for you, I've got something
else to go do.
Hi opens the door and gets out.
WOLFGANG
What do you have to do?
Closing the door, Hi leans down to speak through the window.
HI
I've got to find out why this guy
is tailing me.
EXT. BUNGALOW - DAY (EARLY MORNING)
The car pulls away. Hi walks over to Soto.
HI
Well! Been to Cuco's Cabaret lately?
Soto discards his cigarette butt.
SOTO
You have been approached by McKay
and his people. We know what they
want you to do.
Soto produces an ID and shows it to Hi.
SOTO (cont'd)
My name is Soto. I work for the
Argentine government.
HI
Congratulations.
SOTO
We may be able to help you.
Soto hands Hi a business card.
SOTO (cont'd)
El Presidente wants you to go see
this man.
HI
(reading the card)
"Doctor Chou Po, Hematologist."
SOTO
A blood doctor, commissioned by El
Presidente to look into a possible
cure for vampirism. Also to
discover how a host of vampires
might best be destroyed. Doctor
Po may have something for you.
HI
Thanks. I'll go see him.
SOTO
Good luck. Destroying a bunch of
vampires will be no easy task.
HI
Especially Nazi ones. They're the
worst kind.
Soto starts to go, then,
SOTO
Needless to say, El Presidente
wishes his wife to be safely
returned.
Soto walks away. Hi calls after him,
HI
Yeah? He'll have some explaining
to do. They're fixing to bury her.
Soto glances back and keeps walking. Hi watches him.
HI (cont'd)
(to himself)
Finders keepers, pal.
Hi looks at the card again.
HI (cont'd)
"Doctor Chou Po."
INT. DR. PO'S LABORATORY - DAY
Chinese DR. PO, a smiling, 50-ish fellow in a lab coat, shows
a plant to Hi, Diego, and McKay. It's the same leafy, red
flowered plant species that was in Countess Borca's castle.
PO
The Dracaena palm. The name is
from Greek, meaning dragon, or
devil. According to legend, the
Dracaena was named in honor of
vampires, some of whom keep it in
their homes as a decorative plant.
(beat)
Note the stem. By the first, oh,
one hundred and twenty days, the
Dracaena will develop, right in
here, a red-colored liquid, which
is called dragon's blood.
(chuckles)
If only they knew.
HI
Who?
PO
The vampires.
HI
Knew what, Doctor Po?
PO
The nature of the plant's red
secretion.
LATER
With the lights off, Po shows Hi, Diego, and McKay a movie
in color of a VAMPIRE BAT, secured to a perch from which it
hangs upside down.
PO
The destruction of this vampire
bat, which you are about to see,
occurred about six hours after
injection of the Dracaena palm
extract.
The bat starts shaking and smoking. Blood pours out of its
body openings.
HI
What's happening?
PO
The extract is a powerful coagulant.
There is violent chemical reaction,
clotting the blood. The vampire
hemorrhages. Horribly.
DIEGO
Look how it's bleeding and smoking.
PO
Yes. Sometimes they explode.
The bat explodes, splattering the movie's camera lens with
blood and bits of flesh.
The movie abruptly ends. Po turns on the lights.
HI
It works on bats, Doctor Po, but
what about humans?
PO
Humans are mammals, bats are mammals.
The effect should be similar. That
is all I can tell you.
HI
What about the cure? I was told
you're onto a cure.
Po smiles.
PO
Oh yes, the cure. Wait till you
hear what it is.
Hi waits while Po chortles.
INT. BUNGALOW - DAY
Hi, seated at a dining table, studies a map of the Amazon
basin, Diego and McKay looking on.
MCKAY
Over four million square kilometers.
HI
Don't make it sound so bad. Try
two and a half million square miles.
MCKAY
How can we hope to find Hitler's
camp in -
HI
Stop worrying, McKay. I know where
to find him.
MCKAY
What?
HI
I know the general area. That
narrows it down.
DIEGO
What was the clue?
HI
Eva's earrings. They were carved
out of vilca wood.
DIEGO
Nova Dolencia.
MCKAY
What are you talking about?
Hi points it out on the map.
HI
This village, McKay.
Hi has his finger at an isolated dot on the map near the
Purús River, in Brazil's Amazonas province.
HI (cont'd)
The one place in the world where
they make and sell vilca-wood
earrings.
EXT. A SINGLE-ENGINE CESSNA 170 - DAY
The small plane flies over the Amazon jungle.
DIEGO (V.O.)
The Nazis must get their supplies
there.
HI (V.O.)
Right . . .
EXT. A BRANCH OF THE PURÚS RIVER - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay ride in a motorboat down a muddy, low
banked, jungle-walled river.
Hi navigates. He and Diego are businesslike, while McKay
looks oppressed by the heat.
HI (V.O.)
It's three hundred miles southwest
of Manaus. And there's no other
village for a good hundred miles.
MCKAY (V.O.)
Then the people there should be
able to point the way.
HI (V.O.)
For a price . . .
EXT. NOVA DOLENCIA - DAY
A collection of thatch-roofed buildings made of bamboo and
wood by the river.
HI (V.O.)
Be prepared to buy a lot of vilca
wood earrings.
EXT. NOVA DOLENCIA - DAY
A caboclo (mixed white and Indian blood) VILLAGE ELDER speaks
at length, with no English subtitles, to Hi, Diego, and McKay,
with a gesture toward the jungle across the river.
VILLAGE ELDER
(in Portuguese)
They come from that direction.
From how far, who can say? We Nova
Dolencianos only forage so far. We
fish, and we use this river to go
to Manaus, to sell our Brazil nuts,
our rosewood oil, and our vilca
wood earrings. And that is about
all I can tell you.
The village elder turns to go.
DIEGO
Obrigado.
MCKAY
What did he say?
Diego nods toward the jungle across the river.
DIEGO
He said he thinks they are somewhere
over there.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Hi, Diego, and McKay, armed with guns, machetes, hammers and
stakes, and in camouflage outfits, trek through the jungle.
Hi thinks, hearing voices, as he leads the way.
EVA (V.O.)
Don't come after us, Hi. Please.
MCKAY (V.O.)
We must save the world from Hitler
Part Two.
SOTO (V.O.)
El Presidente wishes his wife to be
safely returned.
EVA (V.O.)
I was so sick of Juan.
EXT. THE JUNGLE BASE - DAY
There are four thatch-roofed wooden buildings, large and well
spaced, in a large clearing fenced only by jungle.
One building is two-story. A large banner with a swastika
hangs from the balcony.
A plaque over the balcony reads "Neuanfang". A smaller
plaque beneath the larger one reads "Gebaüde Ein".
All looks quiet. Four SCHÜTZES armed with Mauser rifles
patrol the perimeter on foot at evenly spaced intervals.
They are the only signs of life.
Hi, Diego, and McKay, concealed in the thick jungle vegetation
at the edge of the clearing, spy on the base.
HI
Most of 'em are probably asleep,
like good little vampires.
McKay and Diego both look through binoculars at the two-story
building with its "Neuanfang" and "Gebaüde Ein" plaques.
DIEGO
What does Neuanfang mean?
HI
New Beginning.
DIEGO
We'll put a stop to that. How do
we do it?
MCKAY
What does Gebaüde Ein mean?
HI
Building One.
MCKAY
That means the others are -
DIEGO
- Buildings Two, Three, and Four.
HI
Anybody writing this down?
Hi signals for them to move back deeper in the vegetation,
which they quietly do, as SCHÜTZE #2 with his Mauser
approaches on patrol.
They stay down till the Schütze has passed. As they rise,
HI (cont'd)
Well, we found it. We've seen all
we can without going in. Let's go
back to the village and come up
with a plan.
They start walking.
MCKAY
Let's go back to the plane where we
left it. I've got to get back to
Lima.
Hi stops and turns to McKay.
HI
Get back to Lima? What for?
MCKAY
Contact my superiors. They can have
commandos out here in a matter of -
HI
Commandos? We can't just go in
with commandos. Not at first.
MCKAY
Why not?
HI
Because of Eva. I'm bringing her
back - alive, so to speak. We're
taking no chance of having her
killed with the others. Now that
we have a cure.
MCKAY
Doctor Po's cure? It sounds pretty
farfetched to me.
HI
I'm willing to try it. Got any
better ideas?
Hi starts walking, Diego and McKay following.
HI (cont'd)
What are commandos going to do
anyway? Shoot 'em? That won't
faze a vampire. Chase 'em with
hammers and stakes? Or crosses?
Or garlic?
MCKAY
And what would you do? Have them
force-fed with that Chinaman's
extract, then wait for six hours?
We don't even know if it works on
humans.
HI
No, but it's all that we've got.
Hi stops to look McKay in the eye.
HI (cont'd)
You said my job was not just to
find this place, but help get rid
of the vermin infesting it.
MCKAY
I didn't say directly or in what
fashion.
HI
Well I've got a personal stake in
this - if you'll excuse the pun.
And now that we're here, we're not
going to retreat back to Lima. I'm
not, anyway.
MCKAY
Then what do you propose that we do?
HI
I'll have a plan before we get back
to Nova Dolencia.
Hi starts walking. Diego looks at McKay and follows. McKay
follows with a disgruntled look.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Hi thinks as he leads the way through the jungle.
Hi brushes a fern stalk aside. Diego, behind Hi, catches
the stalk with his hand. Diego lets go of the stalk. It
hits McKay in the face.
LATER
Hi stops, Diego and McKay stopping beside him.
HI
Okay, I've got a plan. It's going
to take coordination.
(to McKay)
I'll depend on you for the clockwork.
You're going back to Lima after all.
(to Diego)
And we'll need some help from my
father. I'll leave that up to you.
I'm not going to have time.
MCKAY
May we have some details? What
will you be doing?
HI
I'm going to be playing a game.
It's called Bamboozle the Führer.
EXT. THE JUNGLE BASE ("NEUANFANG") - NIGHT
A few windows of the buildings are lit. In the moonlight,
large BATS fly around the perimeter as if on guard duty.
Obergruppenführer (SS General) KEGEL, 50-ish, lean, in
uniform, approaches Building #4 in the darkness.
Kegel pauses. He looks up at the Amazon moon, then he
glances around at the base. He looks sick of it all.
Kegel enters the building. There's some kind of sign by
the door.
INT. A CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Kerosene wall lamps light the corridor. SS OBERSCHÜTZE #1
(private first class), 30, comes out of a door labeled WATER
CONTROL ROOM. He snaps to attention as Kegel comes by.
OBERSCHÜTZE #1
Heil Hitler!
KEGEL
Sieg Heil. Is the generator gassed
up?
OBERSCHÜTZE #1
Yes, Obergruppenführer.
Kegel looks at his wristwatch.
KEGEL
Crank it up in fifteen minutes.
All lights burning.
Kegel proceeds to a door labeled BLOOD FACTORY and opens it.
INT. THE BLOOD FACTORY - NIGHT
Oberführer (Colonel) FRANKEL, 45, and his aide, Oberschütze
SPITZ, 30, do paperwork at their lamp-lit desks. In b.g.
is the open entrance to a shadowy cell block.
Frankel and Spitz both rise as Kegel steps to Frankel's desk.
FRANKEL
Obergruppenführer Kegel.
KEGEL
Oberführer, how is production?
FRANKEL
Very good, sir. All except for the
American Bates. A bad case of
anemia.
KEGEL
Another stingy one, eh? Then this
week's choice is easy. Go and get
him.
FRANKEL
Very well, sir.
Frankel and Spitz head for the cell block with a lamp.
Kegel follows, strolling with a lamp along the row of barred
cells as if on inspection.
There is an assortment of CAPTIVES - explorers, tourists,
Amazon natives - in individual cells. Some are having blood
extracted by remote control; others lie languishing in the
dark, apparently between donations.
Frankel and Spitz take 30-ish American explorer BATES from
his cell near the end of the row. They pass by Kegel on
their way out.
BATES
Where are you taking me?
FRANKEL
Wouldn't you like to know.
Kegel comes to the cell of American explorer CROWLEY, about
50, who is lying on his bunk.
CROWLEY
Hey, what are they going to do with
my partner Bates?
KEGEL
Worry about yourself, Mister
Crowley. You and the others have
to keep giving. You must keep
eating well.
CROWLEY
Eating well?
KEGEL
Keep that blood pressure up. Keep
producing fresh blood. How is my
English?
CROWLEY
It stinks.
KEGEL
How would you like a dip in our
pool, like Bates, Mister Crowley?
CROWLEY
A dip in your pool? What does that
mean?
EXT. THE SIGN BY BUILDING #4'S ENTRANCE - NIGHT
The sign reads "Blood and Bones Tonight, 8 O'Clock Sharp".
INT. AN INDOOR POOL - NIGHT
Underwater lights come on in the pool, as terrified Bates
stands, hands bound, at the edge of a platform over the
water. SCHÜTZE #3 is binding Bates's feet.
Seated on a bank of seats, vampiric-looking SS MEN, in black
shirts, breeches, and jackboots, watch and listen in the
darkness beyond the lighted pool.
Standing off to himself to watch, with a jaded look, is
Obergruppenführer Dorsch - a bit paler than he was at the
Countess's castle.
Kegel, a mean smile on his face, steps to Bates's side at
the platform's edge.
At the rear of the platform is the door to the water control
room. Kegel signals to Oberschütze #1, watching from the
open door.
INT. WATER CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT
Oberschütze #1 pulls down a lever.
INT. POOL - UNDERWATER - NIGHT
A tunnel in the side of the pool opens by remote control.
From an adjacent holding tank, a large school of fish
PIRANHAS, with razor-sharp teeth - streams into the pool.
INT. POOL - NIGHT
For show, Schütze #3 throws a little raw meat into the pool.
The piranhas attack it with clattering teeth.
Kegel studies Bates's reaction, Bates looking down at the
piranhas with terror.
Schütze #3 hands Kegel a wired microphone.
KEGEL
(to Bates, into mike)
Piranhas. Such fascinating little
creatures. They can devour a man
in seconds, leaving nothing but
blood and bones. They are even
lethal to vampires. As we found
when Schütze Vogel fell in. As far
as we know he has never come back.
Am I boring you, Mister Bates?
Kegel holds the mike to Bates's mouth.
BATES
No, no, I'm here to listen. Keep
talking. Please.
INT. WATER CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT
Oberschütze #1 presses a button and there is the sound of
PEOPLE (V.O.) laughing.
INT. POOL - NIGHT
Bates looks around, Kegel watching him.
BATES
Who is that laughing?
KEGEL
It's a laugh track.
Kegel continues to use the mike for both himself and Bates.
KEGEL (cont'd)
We call this our conversion pool.
BATES
I'm converted! Really I am. I
believe in the Reich and all that.
There is more canned laughter.
KEGEL
I don't mean converting the mind,
you fool. We convert your body,
into blood. What do you think we
live on out here? First, the
piranhas do their work. Then we
drain the pool, through a special
osmotic process, separating the
impure fluid.
BATES
Impure fluid?
KEGEL
The water. Leaving nothing but
blood. And bones, of course.
That's why we call this show Blood
and Bones.
BATES
Why go to so much trouble? Why not
just draw out some blood when you
need it? I got plenty.
KEGEL
Oh, we do. With some people. But
others - special ones - go into our
pool.
BATES
Why be choosy? Why not just extract?
It's easier.
KEGEL
Easier, yes. But no fun.
Kegel chortles and slaps Bates chummily on the back. The
blow topples Bates screaming into the water.
The SS men watch from their seats as the piranhas, with their
clattering teeth, begin converting Bates to blood and bones.
EXT. BUILDING #4 - NIGHT
Kegel exits the building. He doesn't see Dorsch, waiting
impatiently, a short distance away, in the night.
DORSCH
Kegel . . .
Kegel stops as Dorsch walks over to him.
KEGEL
Well, Dorsch, how did the men like
tonight's offering?
DORSCH
We are supposed to be conquering
the world. Instead we've been
rotting in this jungle - drinking
blood out of bottles, watching your
water shows - while the Führer
keeps writing his memoirs. How
many volumes? Have you seen all
those stacks of pages? It's not a
book, he's writing an encyclopedia.
And he keeps revising. You must
speak to him, Kegel.
KEGEL
It doesn't do any good.
They start walking.
DORSCH
Kegel, you have said it yourself.
The longer we wait, the greater
the risk of discovery.
Kegel stops, looking impressed by the statement.
KEGEL
I did say that, didn't I? It
almost has a scholarly sound.
DORSCH
This could go on forever.
KEGEL
Dorsch, I'm as sick of this as you
are. But the Führer's memoirs are
bound to be finished soon.
DORSCH
Yes, and who might soon come after
us?
KEGEL
Who might? Only a pack of fools.
EXT. NEUANFANG - DAY
Armed SCHÜTZE #4, patrolling the perimeter, hears something,
looks up.
High in the distance he sees a small plane, the sound of its
engine barely audible.
INT. THE CESSNA - DAY
Hi, wearing a parachute, is set to jump, the door having been
removed from the plane. Diego is piloting, McKay seated in
back.
Hi has a haversack, and on a thin strap around his neck is a
little cloth bag.
The three men shout above the engine noise,
HI
Remember, exactly a hundred and
twenty days!
MCKAY
A hundred and twenty days!
HI
At sunrise!
DIEGO
See you then!
HI
Hasta luego!
Hi jumps.
EXT. SKY - DAY
Hi falls. His parachute opens.
EXT. NEUANFANG - DAY
Schütze #4 points out Hi's parachute, high in the sky, to a
sturdy, square-jawed HAUPTSTURMFÜHRER (SS captain), 40. The
plane drones high overhead.
They are joined by a plump, dumb-looking SCHARFÜHRER (SS
sergeant), 50-ish.
HAUPTSTURMFÜHRER
(to Scharführer)
Wake up Obergruppenführer Kegel.
SCHARFÜHRER
Are you sure?
HAUPTSTURMFÜHRER
Wake him up.
EXT. SKY - DAY
Hi looks down with concern at two-story Building #1, toward
which he is falling.
HI
Way to go, Hiram. You're going to
land in Hitler's lap.
INT. KEGEL'S QUARTERS - DAY
The reluctant Scharführer steps to an open coffin in which
Kegel, in full uniform, sleeps.
SCHARFUHRER
Obergruppenführer Kegel.
(shakes Kegel's arm)
Obergruppenführer.
Kegel awakes. He looks hard at the Scharführer.
KEGEL
How dare you disturb me.
SCHARFÜHRER
I was only following orders.
Kegel starts getting out of the coffin.
KEGEL
What is wrong?
SCHARFÜHRER
We are not sure, sir.
KEGEL
Not sure?
SCHARFÜHRER
Someone is parachuting into the camp.
KEGEL
Who would be fool enough to do that?
EXT. ON HI - DAY
Hi looks down wide-eyed, about to land on Building #1.
Hi crashes through the building's thatch roof.
INT. BUILDING #1 - FRONT HALL - DAY
Kegel and the Scharführer, having just entered, cover their
heads as roof parts fall in the two-story hall.
Hi's parachute has caught on the roof, leaving Hi dangling
several feet off the floor.
Schütze #4 and the Hauptsturmführer hustle in. The Nazis
stare up at Hi, who smiles.
HI
Hi Hickenlooper here.
KEGEL
And to what do we owe the pleasure
of your dropping in?
HI
Take me to your leader.
INT. A SMALL ROOM - DAY
Hi sits alone, a bare light bulb shining above him.
Dorsch and Kegel enter. Kegel has Hi's little cloth bag.
DORSCH
Where do you come from? Whose
plane brought you here?
HI
I hired a private pilot to drop me
off over the jungle. Don't worry.
He knows nothing.
KEGEL
Strange accent. Are you German?
HI
And proud of it. Brought up
bilingual. My mom, rest her soul,
was from Hamburg. It was Mom who
first got Dad into hamburgers. My
dad was born in the Rhineland.
DORSCH
Which part? I'm from Mainz.
KEGEL
(to Dorsch)
Who cares where you're from?
Kegel opens the little bag and demonstratively pours some
plant seeds into his hand.
KEGEL (cont'd)
What are these?
HI
What do they look like? They're
seeds.
KEGEL
What kind of seeds?
HI
Ever heard of the dragon's palm?
The two Nazis' blank looks say "no."
HI (cont'd)
I was hoping you hadn't. I hope
you realize you're tampering with
a gift for the Führer. And he's
going to be mighty pissed.
Dorsch and Kegel glance at each other, both looking unsure
what to do.
INT. HITLER'S QUARTERS - NIGHT
ADOLF HITLER, 56, stands behind his mahogany desk, on which
Kegel dumps a few seeds onto a cloth. Dorsch stands nearby.
Kerosene lamps provide light in the bamboo-matted room.
Hitler, whose vampiric pallor only adds to his demonic
visage, leans forward to gaze at the seeds.
HITLER
What kind of seeds are they?
KEGEL
He spoke of a dragon's palm. He
calls this a gift, to be discussed
only with you.
Kegel hands Hitler a photo.
KEGEL (cont'd)
Please note, mein Führer, this
photograph, found in the intruder's
wallet.
The photo is of a Dracaena palm.
KEGEL (cont'd)
It is a plant. Perhaps the palm
of which he speaks.
DORSCH
I have seen that plant somewhere
before.
Hitler drops the photo onto the desk. He thoughtfully paces.
HITLER
Who would carry pictures of plants
around in his wallet?
DORSCH
Only a plant would, mein Führer.
HITLER
How did he know we are here?
DORSCH
That is what we must learn.
KEGEL
I will torture it out of him.
DORSCH
Allow me to offer my assistance.
KEGEL
Very kind of you.
Hitler picks up a few seeds between his fingers. He smells
them. The odor is apparently not pleasant.
HITLER
Not edible, I assume.
DORSCH
Would you like me to eat one?
Hitler sprinkles the seeds back onto the cloth.
HITLER
No. Not yet anyway. I want you to
bring him to me.
LATER
Hitler, seated at his desk in a bamboo swivel chair, stares
coldly as Hi is brought in by Kegel. Dorsch stands nearby.
Hi looks thrilled at the sight of Hitler. Hi clicks his
heels and gives the Nazi salute.
HI
Heil, mein Führer!
Hitler just stares.
HI (cont'd)
It's an honor to meet you, mein
Führer. An absolute honor. I've
been an admirer of yours since -
well, since I read about the Beer
Hall Putsch of nineteen twenty
three. I've been an admirer of
your officers too - the kind of
guys you have around you. That's
what I want to be. There's nothing
like being a Nazi. Right, guys?
Especially the nocturnal kind.
HITLER
How did you know we were here?
Hi pulls up a chair to the desk.
HI
Well you see, mein Führer - Oh.
May I sit down?
No response. Hi sits down.
HI (cont'd)
You see, mein Führer, I have the
reputation - I assume they told you
my name, it's Hickenlooper. Hi.
Hitler seems unsure if that's a name or a greeting.
HITLER
Hi.
HI
I have the reputation - well
earned, I might add - of knowing
the Amazon jungle better than any
other fellow alive. So well, in
fact, that the Western intelligence
folks wanted me to help find you.
Well I've found you, but not to
help them. I'm here on my own.
They don't even know where I am.
Hitler continues to stare.
HI (cont'd)
You can imagine my excitement when
they told me the story - you being
alive, a vampire here in the jungle.
HITLER
And why are you here?
HI
I want to be a part of it. I
want to be a part of your team.
Hitler stares. Then his eyes, as Hi notes, move to the seeds
and photo on his desk.
HI (cont'd)
I know a bag of seeds, mein Führer,
may not look like much of a gift.
But it's a token of my sincerity.
Hi pulls his chair closer.
HI (cont'd)
These are seeds, mein Führer,
of the Dracaena palm. It means
dragon. The picture is of the
plant full grown. The ancient
Greeks named this plant in honor
of vampires. It makes a great
house plant.
DORSCH
Mein Gott!
Hitler flinches at Dorsch's sudden outburst.
DORSCH (cont'd)
He is right, mein Führer. The
castle of the Countess. That is
where I saw that plant.
HI
Who is the Countess?
DORSCH
The Countess is a lady who -
KEGEL
It's none of his business who
the Countess is!
HI
(beat)
I know you like symbols, mein
Führer - the swastika and all.
I thought you might like to spruce
the place up with some plants
virtually named in your honor.
Hitler rises. He thoughtfully paces.
HI (cont'd)
I'm sorry if you don't like the
plant, mein Führer. I could have
brought a cake, but I was afraid it
might get squashed when I landed.
HITLER
So you want to be a part of my team.
Hi rises eagerly.
HI
Yes, mein Führer.
HITLER
You want to be a vampire.
HI
Very much so. I'd be eternally
grateful.
HITLER
And what have you to offer? Besides
a bag of seeds.
HI
Knowledge, mein Führer. My unrivaled
knowledge of this jungle that serves
as your refuge. I can serve as your
eyes, your ears, as the need may
arise. And a fortune. I am the
sole heir of Hickenlooper Foods,
one of the largest food companies
in America. Every penny shall be
at your disposal, as soon as my
father is gone. All I ask in return,
mein Führer, is the opportunity to
serve you. Forever.
HITLER
What do you think, Herr Dorsch?
Herr Kegel?
KEGEL
This food-giant father of yours.
How well is he?
HI
He's got a bad heart. He could go
any day.
DORSCH
There is much food for thought here.
KEGEL
May we suggest a trial period for Herr
Hickenlooper? Probationary status.
DORSCH
Subject, of course, to immediate
termination.
KEGEL
Such as a dip in our pool.
Hitler thinks. He moves back to his desk.
HITLER
You are accepted, Herr Hickenlooper,
on a provisional basis.
HI
Thank you, mein Führer.
HITLER
Your knowledge, not to mention your
fortune, may indeed come in handy.
HI
What a moment. I can't tell you
how much this means, I -
KEGEL
Then don't. You have taken enough
of the Führer's time.
Hi, clicking his heels, salutes Hitler again.
HI
Heil, mein Führer.
Hitler, half-saluting, sits down, his eyes on some paperwork.
Hi looks at the seeds on the desk. Hi starts to say something
but doesn't.
Hi turns toward the door, Dorsch moving to follow.
HITLER
Herr Hickenlooper . . .
Hi stops and turns. Hitler has picked up the photo.
HITLER (cont'd)
I do like the plant. It's a very
nice touch.
(to Kegel and Dorsch)
Why did no one tell me before of
this palm of the dragon?
Kegel and Dorsch look at each other.
KEGEL
Well? Why didn't you tell him?
DORSCH
Because - because I thought that
you would.
HI
(to Dorsch)
But you didn't know about it. When
I asked you, you -
DORSCH
I did know.
KEGEL
So did I.
HI
(to Dorsch)
You didn't know.
DORSCH
Did know.
HI
Didn't.
DORSCH
Did!
HI
Didn't!
Hitler musingly looks off, as if thinking back.
HITLER
No, Dorsch, you didn't. You
couldn't even remember where
you saw it till -
Dorsch and Kegel, glancing apprehensively at each other, become
completely evasive,
KEGEL
(to Dorsch, with a nod
toward Hi)
Take him out.
HITLER
Neither one of you knew.
DORSCH
(to Kegel)
I am taking him out.
HITLER
You showed me this picture, and -
KEGEL
(to Dorsch)
You know where to take him.
HITLER
You said, "It's some kind of plant,"
and -
DORSCH
(to Hi)
You come with me.
HITLER
- and then -
KEGEL
(to Dorsch)
When you take him there, be -
HITLER
(screams it)
Wait!
Dorsch and Kegel snap to attention. Hitler struggles to
control himself.
HITLER (cont'd)
I will tell you when to take the
man out!
DORSCH
I thought, mein Führer, that Herr
Hickenlooper's visit was over.
HITLER
It was not!
(to Hi)
You are in charge of the plant's
cultivation.
HI
Thank you, mein Führer. I started
to ask, but I didn't want to seem
pushy.
HITLER
You're the only one who knows what
to do with it.
(to Dorsch)
See that he has his own room in
Gebaüde Zwei, and a table to
work on.
HI
May I also have pencil and paper,
mein Führer, to keep a daily log
on the cultivation?
HITLER
A good idea, Schütze. A man who
knows the value of paperwork. You
will give Dorsch a monthly report.
DORSCH
(beat)
Is that all, mein Führer?
Kegel stares at Hi with resentment - till Hitler makes Kegel
jump,
HITLER
Don't just stand there, Kegel!
Give our new Schütze his seeds!
EXT. RAIN FOREST - NIGHT
A full moon shines above the jungle.
INT. BUILDING #1 - A CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Wolfgang, in the uniform of an Untersturmführer (SS second
lieutenant), steps out of a room with a document in hand.
Down the hall he sees Dorsch and Hi stop at a closed door.
Dorsch knocks. Hi, who has his haversack, doesn't notice
Wolfgang. But Wolfgang certainly notices Hi.
INT. AN APARTMENT - NIGHT
Dorsch opens the door and gestures for Hi to enter. Hi comes
in, haversack under arm. Dorsch leaves, closing the door.
The apartment is sparsely romantic, with lit candles, scarlet
drapes, some nice bamboo furniture, an oil painting, a well
pillowed bed.
Hi gazes at a WOMAN in a nightgown. She lounges on a
loveseat, her features obscured beyond the flickering light.
She rises and walks over to Hi.
COUNTESS
I am Countess Borca. I am in
charge of all initiations.
Hi seems glad to hear it.
HI
Initiate me.
LATER
Hi and the Countess make love. They sit up, Hi following her
lead. Her lips part, revealing sharp canines.
She sinks them into Hi's neck. Blood streams down his back.
Return to beginning of script